Simply a MAJOR CONFLICT .... well ... not really.

I hate conflict!


GAAAHHH CONFLICT! how you curse me!

so here is my deal : I signed up to audition for the musical Cabaret, that my school is putting on.  I am terrified to audition for it 1.) the only singing audition I have done has been for choir and that took lots o guts to do , 2) I have no idea how to audition for a musical theatre audition, they want 32 bars, which I can do since I took choir but... what!? the what?! I get nervous just thinking about it. 3.) I feel like its kinda racy for me to be apart of.....( sounds funny but I am pretty conservative and don't wear lingerie on stage...by choice. 4.) I have that horrible thing called self doubt where I don't think I sound good at all when I sing, no matter how many times someone reassures me.... its a horrible thing I need to work on. 5.) I'm scared. haha lame but true . what kind of actress am I? good question. I don't know. 6.) I would love to work on a musical, i'm just not sure this is the musical for me. 7.) I don't want to fail miserably at my audition because my nerves will get to me and then see the stage manager in my bio class the next day.


So thats my conflict. do I audition or not? I am headed towards not since the audition is tomorrow, I have no idea what to sing, I am scared ( about to say a bad word, scroll down if younger than 18) Shitless and I don't want to fail. Although i've been told countless times it will take a hundred no's for just one yes.


WHY AM I IN THIS INDUSTRY? because believe it or not I love acting, its fun, its hard, its challenging. but the pay sucks unless you actually having a recurring role... or an actual role. So okay this has helped me a lot in my decision. and I know all you musical theatre lovers might bash me in with a microphone, but I think i'll pass this audition and go for one of their non musical production firsts. Believe me I love musicals so much, I really really want to be apart of one but this one is just not the one.

It really is you musical, not me. so i'm breaking up with you for now.


I am sad however that I let my fears get in my way, I should really stop doing that, once I find the courage. Actually come to think of it, I did audition for play pro at my high school ... twice.... and sung in front of them. well. I didn't make it into that but thats because of politics. haha I am a loser. uejfks,pa;sefmlqphfi  I guess bad experiences overall kinda hold me back. but ill be back for the next one!  .... i think....




So good, I am coming out with this much more relief from the decisions and don't feel like I will regret it too much, well not until I actually see the musical performed. and great I get the walk of shame down those theatre steps and into the green room to cross my name off the list. poop. I hate these conflicts.


..... THIS IS NOT MY ACUTAL BLOG POST FOR TODAY- HENCE...NO PICTURE....

I WILL CONTINUE LATER ON IN THE EVENING WITH THE ACTUAL ONE.....

.........TO BE CONTINUED...